16 April 2005

dying sucks...

as you can probably tell from the title this is a bit of a downer, so skip it if you are not in the mood...

i am in agreement with his sinfulness on the suckiness of death... i am not so sure that i would be this upset if i was the one dying, though... dying really sucks the most for those who don't die, the ones who are left behind to deal with the loss of an integral piece of themselves... and the waiting without knowing is also pure torture... to watch someone you love so much have to suffer and the degree of suffer is proportionally deep to the former strength, i can't even describe what it is like... and there is so much in my life right now that is wonderful - i am graduating finally, i have a great husband and am very much in love, i have discovered a passion for writing that is completely joyful even when it is not always fun - but i have a hard time with that because i know my mom is dying, painfully... and it sucks, completely... and i don't want someone to tell me it will be ok, or even be able to explain why - there is no explanation that would merit this kind of pain - i just want to be able to say it sucks and it is and it can not be explained away or even lessened by explanation.. it just sucks ... yeah, it does...


  1. hey little flower,
    i just wanted to stand with your heart on this one:
    "yeah, it totally sucks...not sure that there is exactly anything in life that sucks more..."

    I send thoughts and care.

    always and forever (wishing that some things never had to be...),

  2. It's shitty, definitaly shitty, and really that is all that can be said at the moment. As the speaker's story went, "That's shitty Mrs. Chesto." The truest statement that can be said. Loves always.

  3. It sucks. The only thing worse would be living on this plane forever...

    Please make sure to let us help in any way we can. My prayers (such as they are) are with you and her.